Measurements...

Ok, so you know when pants that you haven't been able to wear in years finally fit and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world?  Having them then be too big not even two weeks later is AMAZING!  This is so much fun!  The brand new jeans I got while at my parents over the break and were snug are getting a little baggy.  So last night I decided to do my measurements just to see.  We took them the day of surgery and I wanted to compare.  My arms didn't see too much change, but everywhere else... wow!  My boobs are shrinking!!!!  This is so wonderful cause those suckers are heavy!  Y'all- I lost 5 inches in my waist!!!!  5 inches!!!!  No wonder I can zip things up now that I couldn't before.  That is a huge number!!  I lost over 2 inches in both thighs and calves too.  Just under 19 inches overall.  I know there is a long road ahead of me and it will be hard, but right now, it is too much fun!

Back to School, Part Deux!

I was much more prepared to go back to school this morning.  I had snacks, I had protein, I had apple juice.  I took my medicine.  I didn't bother with the hair and makeup cause I was more determined to make it through the day without feeling like I was going to pass out rather than how I looked.  I'm sure that will change (who am I kidding, I like sleep too much)  Today was one of those really great days where you feel great and people notice.  The people in the office kept saying how great I looked.  Our secretary looked at me and said, "Amber, your face is so pretty!"  She was so genuine and so sincere.  I realized that these people only know fat me.  They never knew this version or even smaller versions of me.  I recognize myself, but in looking through pictures of the past year or so, I'm not sure I would recognize me.  If I do now, I won't in a couple months!  I had two people tell me I needed to get smaller pants.... the ones I was wearing were some that were "new" again last week.  I looked like I was wearing a sagging diaper all day.  Not so cute.  Looking forward to getting a new wardrobe and continuing down this path!

This was mid-August at our family reunion.  I was at my heaviest, and completely swollen.  Yet I didn't step on a scale for over a month after this.  I was scared cause I knew it was bad.  You can't even seen my eyes. 

I am happy to report that I have lost a total of 56 pounds since Oct. 2nd.

I have lost 26 pounds since my surgery 24 days ago!

Definitely on the way to a healthier, happier me!

Back to School

The morning started off great.  I put on pants I have not worn in at least 5 years.  I put on make-up and I somewhat did my hair (I was up at 5:30 for the first time in over 2 weeks... something was gonna give).  I got to school and those who knew were blown away.  They couldn't believe how much my face had changed or how much smaller I was.  I was 20 pounds lighter than when they saw me the last time.  My face and chest are where it is the most noticeable.  It felt so great to have people notice!  Even people who didn't know said I looked great and said my break must have been wonderful.  As good as I felt at the beginning of the day.  The day wore me out!  By Wednesday, I was sick.  Mom came down to help with Gibbs and I was so weak I couldn't function and missed Thursday too.  The doctor told me to forget what they said about grazing and eat when I could so that I could get my strength back.  The weekend finally allowed me to get fully rested and ready to try again!

For the most part, he was a pretty good kiddo this week.  Kept wanting to see my boo boos and kiss me to make me feel better!

This was pretty much my position for last week.  

Or not...

So yesterday I started eating soft food ans might have been a little ambitious.  I had half a scrambled egg in the morning.  It just didn't taste as good as I had hoped it would and after a couple bites, I was done.  My stomach should be able to hold a half cup, but I did what they told me and stopped when I wasn't hungry rather that when I felt full.  I had a little of a casserole for lunch (it was on my list!) And that's when it started to hurt.  It's like a super intense heartburn right in the middle of your chest every time you swallow.  Still felt pretty good though.  Last night I had half a meatball, some mashed potatoes and a couple cooked carrots.  Even the mashed potatoes hurt.  I fell asleep in Gibbs room while putting him to bed and stayed there all night.  This morning I felt kinda blah.  I made my protein drink and went to the grocery store.  When I got back, I started feeling nausea.  I never actually threw up but not for lack of trying.  I finally called the doc who told me that sometimes people take longer to heal and to go back to liquid until Monday.   I took some anti-nausea medicine and started to feel better.  If it is going to hurt that way, I will stick with liquids forever.  You can find some tasty liquids!  It will be worth it when I can look in the mirror and not be disgusted.  I did try on old pants today and while the jeans were all too small, I now have 6 "new" pairs of dress pants!  I can't wait to see how or if people react when we go back on Monday!

Liquid diet done!

I have felt pretty good the past couple weeks considering I haven't swallowed anything that hasn't been through a strainer.  That being said, I am so ready to chew! To actually bite into something would be wonderful.  Tomorrow is the day I move from liquids to soft foods.  Although I look forward to eating again, I'm nervous about consuming more calories again.  I will make good choices and stick with the protein drinks, but there is a huge part of me that is terrified I will gain it all back and I will have done all of this for nothing.  I'm am trying my best to stay positive and not self sabotage but old habits die hard.  So far, I've been able to overcome the negativity, self doubt and I just pray that I will continue to fight.  I found this pic of me in my moms phone and it is my new motivation... I cannot believe I didn't know how big I was.  How do you not see this?

Happy New Year!

Outside of my closest friends and family, no one knows that I made a huge decision to regain control of my life at the end of 2013.  For those that know me, I have struggled with my weight my whole life.  I was at my heaviest when I got pregnant with Gibson.  The weight I gained during pregnancy was carefully monitored.  After Gibson was born and Danny left, I lost all the weight I had gained and then some.  As I started to deal with the fact that my marriage was not salvageable and started being a full time working single mom to a newborn complete with an hour commute to and from work, the pounds started to come back.  Over the next three years, I consistently gained weight.  This past April, I really started having gastrointestinal issues, my body started swelling and nothing I did, no matter how much I tried to hydrate, nothing seemed to help.  I quit smoking, took my thyroid medicine and an assortment of vitamins and would sometimes go days without being able to hold anything down.  And yet, there was not anything really wrong with me.  I ballooned in my weight and by the end of the summer, I was completely miserable.  I had trouble moving.  I was slow.  I felt like I was in slow motion all the time.  Gibson started t-ball this fall and at one of his practices, he ran from me.  I physically could not run after him.  My knees started to give with every step I took.  I was terrified.  I knew something had to change and fast.

October 6, 2013

This was when I started to seriously consider weight loss surgery.  I was one of those people who thought it was a cop out.  But the more research I did and people I talked to, I realized that it might be tool I was looking for.  I made an appointment with Dr. Kim because I knew several people had used him.  When I weighed in at his office, I was shocked.  I weighed 295 pounds.  I was 5 pounds away from 300 with this 5'3" frame.  I was officially fat.  My BMI was over 50.  That is a scary fact.  I saw another doctor three days later who said that my best chance of seeing my son enter kindergarten was to lose about 150 pounds.  I started really watching what I ate.  Because of insurance issues, I ended up going with a different surgeon.  Dr. Marsden was amazing!  So nice and helpful!  I had an EGD the week of Thanksgiving that showed I had a hiatal hernia and a sleep study proved I had sleep apnea.  I was not breathing for an avg of 12 seconds several times a night.  On December 20, I had surgery to repair my hiatal hernia and to get a gastric sleeve.  When I weighed in for surgery that morning, I weighed 265.  I had lost 30 pounds on my own.  Now 12 days post-op, I weigh 248.  This is the first time in 6 years I have been under 250.  Since October I have gone from a size 22 to a 16 pants.  I feel great!  I have so far to go, but I am so glad I made this decision.  I want to live life not simply survive it.  This surgery is not for everyone, but I feel like it was my second chance to live my life right. Gibson deserves the best mom and I am on my way to being the best I can be!

December 30, 2013

I plan to post weekly updates on my weight loss journey.  I am so amazed at the changes I have already seen and cannot wait to see more in the future!