The Red Dress

Back in 1997, my mom gave me a beautiful red dress for Christmas.  That spring I had hit my lowest weight, 147.5 pounds with the help of Jenny Craig and being on drill team (and having a 15 year old's metabolism).  

Easter 1997- size 8 Abercrombie jeans... with a gap in the back waistband... the smallest I was in high school.

Summer 1997- I also used to tan... I now freckle :)   I had put a couple pounds back on here, but still looked pretty darn good.

Cut to a summer of eating out and having fun. I had a boyfriend and we went out with friends and I didn't pay attention to my food the way I had in previous months.  Just before my birthday, I learned that we were moving to Waco and um... I didn't handle it well.  I was happy.  I was on drill team, I had a car, I had a job, I had a boyfriend, and I was having fun!  So, being an emotional eater, I started to drown my sorrows and undo all the good I had worked so hard for.  God bless my mom, she tried to re-motivate my by buying me this dress for Christmas.  It is a size 12 from Petite Sophisticate (remember them?).

I have never been able to wear this dress.  It has hung in my parents house or my house for the past 16 years.  It still has the tags on it because we thought I'd lose that 10 pounds (then 15, then 25, then 50... well you get the picture) I needed to lose to fit into it.  Those Abercrombie jeans used to hang on my wall as "inspiration" (actually stressed me and did the opposite, made me grab a cookie and a coke).  But this dress for the past 10 years, I have not even been able to put it on my body much less zip it up or have it look decent on me.  Believe me, I have a long way to go for it to be anywhere close to wearable and now I'm realizing I may be too old for the length of this dress.  But for giggles tonight, I decided to play the masochistic fat girl game of pull out the smallest thing in your closet to see just how far you need to go.  Y'all, I got my legs in side by side and could stand up.  I didn't fall trying to fit both legs in.  In my head, I'm thinking, ha, yea ok Amber, congrats, you stepped into a circle of fabric... then I had this crazy idea to pull it up.  I am not going to lie... it was about like stuffing a sausage, and it wasn't pretty.  BUT I GOT INTO THE RED DRESS.  I use the term "into" liberally as I am STUFFED into this thing and I would tear it to shreds if I tried to zip it or sit or bend in any way.

HAHAHA--- seriously, I cannot believe I am actually sharing this picture, but this is huge for me!  Look at the cheesy smile on my face!  Oh it is absolutely horrible and it is NO WHERE CLOSE to zipping!  And good Lord I don't show that much thigh in shorts much less a dress, BUT IT'S ON MY BODY!!  

Ok, all this silliness aside.  I do want to take a moment to compare a year ago to me today.  I know I look better, I know I feel better, but when I was looking for the above pictures, I found this from just last summer... how did I not know how big I was.  I actually thought I looked okay.  

This is the only picture I have of me from last summer... and I was in a wedding.  I think that says everything right there.  I knew, just didn't KNOW yet.  I'm blocking someone who is standing facing the camera, feet shoulder with apart and I'm facing the side!  I was round!!!  Look at my arm!  There are so many things in the picture that make me shudder...

So this is me today.  100 pounds lighter!  And so much healthier and happier!  

Not the best picture because this dress was actually flattering but without a full length mirror, its hard to get a decent pic!

And still with so far to go, but I finally did it.  This week I did what I had come to think would not ever be possible.  I saw that 2 in the hundreds place on my scale, change to a 1.  Seriously, I'm a completely different shape than I was in high school, but I now weigh what I did my senior year.  Funny that I now carry my weight in my boobs and belly where before I carried it in my butt and thighs ( I defy gravity--- ha, no, sadly, I can't say that's true either)...  But I can officially state that I have said goodbye to 100 pounds.  I am so encouraged by peoples support.  It is incredible. Gibson and I have some big changes coming up and I am going to keep moving forward and I confidently state that I will wear that dress in public within a year from today.  I've shed 100 pounds- I have at least 50 to go.  Honestly, anything from this point forward is vanity cause I'm having fun doing it!  I like trying on clothes!  I don't feel like shamoo in a swimsuit (and its a black and white polka dot SPANX suit so I would be justified feeling like an orca:)).