Gibson and I are officially living in Denton! We have been in the duplex for 11 days and I can already feel the weight of the commute slipping away. I seriously underestimated how stressful that drive would be for me and Gibson. The drive itself wasn't bad but the unpredictability of traffic. I never knew if it was going to be a 35 min drive or a 2 hour drive. We put the house on the market in Irving and got a full price offer in 2 days! We are waiting on the appraisal to come back. Gibson loves the extra time and attention he is getting and I love that I can run home for lunch (or to throw ingredients into a crackpot for dinner) on my 30 min lunch. I love that I can go home before I pick him up to prep food, start laundry, etc so that when I pick him up, it's all about Gibson. That part of this move is priceless. We hung out in Denton this weekend with the Houston Elementary 5k Saturday morning, playing at the park and having brunch. It was relaxed and the perfect start to our new routine and life in Denton!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
I stink at blogging
I am a religious blog follower. It is my favorite thing to do in the morning. My first alarm goes off and after I snooze once, I press the Feedly Icon and peruse my favorite blogs. How all these women find the time to write these daily posts is beyond me. However, it also occurs to me that if I were a little more regular in updating my blog, it might be a little more organized and have a lot less random ramblings of my over-worked, over-stressed, over-tired brain. :) Seriously though, for those that do read and follow my progress, thank you for continuing to hold me accountable and ask for updates because it helps motivate me and keep "Post to blog" on my to-do list no matter how many times it gets bumped down because something more immediate comes up. For the past couple of months, there have been so many things happening and changing as we adjust to a new commute, new schools, a new job, new friends, old friends, purging old stuff and generally trying to streamline as many things as possible so that the chaotic things we cannot control do not take over.
First off, let me say that I love my new job. However, it is so much more stressful than I imagined it to be! There is so much to keep organized and once you get one thing down there pop up 10 things more to do and its never ending! Its fun though. It is challenging and a juggling act or organizing, scheduling and coordinating while trying to stay within federal, state and local laws and policies which sometimes say 3 different things. Holy Moly, what have I gotten myself into! I miss the kids, but let me say this, it is absolute loveliness to be able to walk in a classroom and read a book with a child and then walk back out and go back to work. No meltdowns, no snot, no back talk, no preteen drama (although that was entertaining in its own way).
Second, Gibson and I could use some prayer people. I think we have turned a corner and I do not want to put the whole story out on the internet for the world to see, but we had a rough start to pre-K. Let's just go with the statement that our first pre-K school was not a good fit for Gibson. We are on our third week in a new school and it is like I have a brand new child. Thank you! I was really beginning to worry about him and I do think there are somethings going on that need to be addressed, but our daily situation has greatly improved since moving from the first school to his current school. Poor child doesn't know whether we are coming or going. He told me yesterday he wanted our other car back because we weren't in it as much! Which brings me to my next subject, our house hunt.
Oh my goodness. One of the things I like about Denton is that it is a college town. There is just something different about the feeling you get from a college town. Even when they are bigger cities, they feel small. There are walkable neighborhoods and there is always something to do that is usually cheap or free. There are parks and plays, football and recreation.... I could go on, but I will not bore you because that is apparently why everyone else and there dog wants to live here too! IT IS SO COMPETITIVE! And Expensive! Oh and all these places have turned to income restriction housing so they can be "luxury" and qualify students. Fantastic! Super! I'm so glad that 21 year old frat boy can have his keg party in a luxury apartment while I get told that I make too much money at place after place. Don't get me wrong, there are affordable places to live here. And they are tiny or just plain old, or there are 15 people who qualify and I am always next in line. Its frustrating. And for the most part, the commute isn't bad. Especially since Gibson likes his school now, it isn't so much of a battle. But for instance, last night, he had a great day at school and because I had gone to see about a sublease on a duplex (fingers crossed, prayers sent, whatever voodoo you subscribe to please send good thoughts our way!), anyway, we got a late start home. This puts us in more traffic and puts Gibson in the sun the entire way home. And then there was a wreck on 35. He screamed bloody murder with big old crocodile tears from the Lewisville Lake bridge until we pulled into our driveway at 7:45. And then I had to cook dinner. So it was another late night and he still hadn't gotten the direct attention from me that he is so desperate for these days. Mommy fail. Those days are hard. Other days, my work load is lighter, I can pick him up, we get home around 5, we can walk, play, then cook dinner and do all the chores. The hardest part is the day to day being so out of my control and yet ultimately on my shoulders because I decided to make this move. I decided that this was what is best for us and it hasn't worked out as smoothly or easily as the plan in my head. I truly feel in my gut though that this is the right move for us and that everything will fall into place when it is supposed to.
Finally, for those of you wondering how I am doing on the weight loss front. I am still losing weight. For lack of a better way to describe it, I'm becoming lighter but not necessarily smaller these days as I need to do ALOT of toning. I am one squishy mess right now! However, I am super happy to report that I found a fabulous foundation garment at Dillards on clearance that holds all the "extra" in (I call it my leftovers cause its not really fat, its just kinda there). Y'all- I bought a pair of skinny jeans AND I look pretty good in them if I do say so myself. I am now buying in the regular sections and no longer am in the plus sizes. Last week, I wore my hot pink pencil skirt, a denim shirt and heels. I thought it was just a casual little outfit but I have gotten more complements and one girl told me she wishes she had legs like mine to pull it off! Y'all I bout fell out of my chair. I have never been told I have good legs in my life! EVER! I literally laughed out loud! She asked why I laughed and I showed her a pic of me a year ago. She didn't believe me :) I love that!
I am currently down to 183 pounds and a BMI of 32.4. Still obese. So close though... I want to be in the just "overweight" category so badly. So, with the exception of a couple of weekends ago where I completely blew the the whole don't consume sugar thing and had cookies, brownies and alcohol. (yes- I drank a margarita sitting at the ballgame on my 33rd birthday 10 rows behind home plate thank you very much :)) Today, I'm wearing an outfit I would have never been able to pull off in the past because I have never been able to buy boots that fit. I had thick ankles and huge calves. Even extended calf boots weren't an option because my ankles were so thick I could not begin to zip them up. Today, I'm wearing my new boots with leggings, a long tank and my denim shirt. While I feel naked because I'm not technically wearing pants, I've been told I look great several times today and even more people tell me they love my boots! I do too!
I've tried to insert these pictures into the sections and put them in an order that makes sense and it just isn't working so if you made it this far... thanks! I'm going to try to be more regular about updates so hopefully, you will be seeing more of us (less of me) soon!
First off, let me say that I love my new job. However, it is so much more stressful than I imagined it to be! There is so much to keep organized and once you get one thing down there pop up 10 things more to do and its never ending! Its fun though. It is challenging and a juggling act or organizing, scheduling and coordinating while trying to stay within federal, state and local laws and policies which sometimes say 3 different things. Holy Moly, what have I gotten myself into! I miss the kids, but let me say this, it is absolute loveliness to be able to walk in a classroom and read a book with a child and then walk back out and go back to work. No meltdowns, no snot, no back talk, no preteen drama (although that was entertaining in its own way).
Second, Gibson and I could use some prayer people. I think we have turned a corner and I do not want to put the whole story out on the internet for the world to see, but we had a rough start to pre-K. Let's just go with the statement that our first pre-K school was not a good fit for Gibson. We are on our third week in a new school and it is like I have a brand new child. Thank you! I was really beginning to worry about him and I do think there are somethings going on that need to be addressed, but our daily situation has greatly improved since moving from the first school to his current school. Poor child doesn't know whether we are coming or going. He told me yesterday he wanted our other car back because we weren't in it as much! Which brings me to my next subject, our house hunt.
Oh my goodness. One of the things I like about Denton is that it is a college town. There is just something different about the feeling you get from a college town. Even when they are bigger cities, they feel small. There are walkable neighborhoods and there is always something to do that is usually cheap or free. There are parks and plays, football and recreation.... I could go on, but I will not bore you because that is apparently why everyone else and there dog wants to live here too! IT IS SO COMPETITIVE! And Expensive! Oh and all these places have turned to income restriction housing so they can be "luxury" and qualify students. Fantastic! Super! I'm so glad that 21 year old frat boy can have his keg party in a luxury apartment while I get told that I make too much money at place after place. Don't get me wrong, there are affordable places to live here. And they are tiny or just plain old, or there are 15 people who qualify and I am always next in line. Its frustrating. And for the most part, the commute isn't bad. Especially since Gibson likes his school now, it isn't so much of a battle. But for instance, last night, he had a great day at school and because I had gone to see about a sublease on a duplex (fingers crossed, prayers sent, whatever voodoo you subscribe to please send good thoughts our way!), anyway, we got a late start home. This puts us in more traffic and puts Gibson in the sun the entire way home. And then there was a wreck on 35. He screamed bloody murder with big old crocodile tears from the Lewisville Lake bridge until we pulled into our driveway at 7:45. And then I had to cook dinner. So it was another late night and he still hadn't gotten the direct attention from me that he is so desperate for these days. Mommy fail. Those days are hard. Other days, my work load is lighter, I can pick him up, we get home around 5, we can walk, play, then cook dinner and do all the chores. The hardest part is the day to day being so out of my control and yet ultimately on my shoulders because I decided to make this move. I decided that this was what is best for us and it hasn't worked out as smoothly or easily as the plan in my head. I truly feel in my gut though that this is the right move for us and that everything will fall into place when it is supposed to.
Finally, for those of you wondering how I am doing on the weight loss front. I am still losing weight. For lack of a better way to describe it, I'm becoming lighter but not necessarily smaller these days as I need to do ALOT of toning. I am one squishy mess right now! However, I am super happy to report that I found a fabulous foundation garment at Dillards on clearance that holds all the "extra" in (I call it my leftovers cause its not really fat, its just kinda there). Y'all- I bought a pair of skinny jeans AND I look pretty good in them if I do say so myself. I am now buying in the regular sections and no longer am in the plus sizes. Last week, I wore my hot pink pencil skirt, a denim shirt and heels. I thought it was just a casual little outfit but I have gotten more complements and one girl told me she wishes she had legs like mine to pull it off! Y'all I bout fell out of my chair. I have never been told I have good legs in my life! EVER! I literally laughed out loud! She asked why I laughed and I showed her a pic of me a year ago. She didn't believe me :) I love that!
I am currently down to 183 pounds and a BMI of 32.4. Still obese. So close though... I want to be in the just "overweight" category so badly. So, with the exception of a couple of weekends ago where I completely blew the the whole don't consume sugar thing and had cookies, brownies and alcohol. (yes- I drank a margarita sitting at the ballgame on my 33rd birthday 10 rows behind home plate thank you very much :)) Today, I'm wearing an outfit I would have never been able to pull off in the past because I have never been able to buy boots that fit. I had thick ankles and huge calves. Even extended calf boots weren't an option because my ankles were so thick I could not begin to zip them up. Today, I'm wearing my new boots with leggings, a long tank and my denim shirt. While I feel naked because I'm not technically wearing pants, I've been told I look great several times today and even more people tell me they love my boots! I do too!
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| Me on my birthday before I decided to change clothes! |
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| Ranger game--- awesome seats thanks to Ashley! |
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| Boots, leggings! |
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| Our new duplex hopefully, we are supposed to sign the lease on Friday! |
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| Gibbs doing homework... seriously brand new kiddo! |
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| I feel so trendy! |
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| Birthday outfit--- what's up, I'm wearing skinny jeans! |
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| Overall, we are good! |
Monday, July 14, 2014
The Red Dress
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| Easter 1997- size 8 Abercrombie jeans... with a gap in the back waistband... the smallest I was in high school. |
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| Summer 1997- I also used to tan... I now freckle :) I had put a couple pounds back on here, but still looked pretty darn good. |
Cut to a summer of eating out and having fun. I had a boyfriend and we went out with friends and I didn't pay attention to my food the way I had in previous months. Just before my birthday, I learned that we were moving to Waco and um... I didn't handle it well. I was happy. I was on drill team, I had a car, I had a job, I had a boyfriend, and I was having fun! So, being an emotional eater, I started to drown my sorrows and undo all the good I had worked so hard for. God bless my mom, she tried to re-motivate my by buying me this dress for Christmas. It is a size 12 from Petite Sophisticate (remember them?).
I have never been able to wear this dress. It has hung in my parents house or my house for the past 16 years. It still has the tags on it because we thought I'd lose that 10 pounds (then 15, then 25, then 50... well you get the picture) I needed to lose to fit into it. Those Abercrombie jeans used to hang on my wall as "inspiration" (actually stressed me and did the opposite, made me grab a cookie and a coke). But this dress for the past 10 years, I have not even been able to put it on my body much less zip it up or have it look decent on me. Believe me, I have a long way to go for it to be anywhere close to wearable and now I'm realizing I may be too old for the length of this dress. But for giggles tonight, I decided to play the masochistic fat girl game of pull out the smallest thing in your closet to see just how far you need to go. Y'all, I got my legs in side by side and could stand up. I didn't fall trying to fit both legs in. In my head, I'm thinking, ha, yea ok Amber, congrats, you stepped into a circle of fabric... then I had this crazy idea to pull it up. I am not going to lie... it was about like stuffing a sausage, and it wasn't pretty. BUT I GOT INTO THE RED DRESS. I use the term "into" liberally as I am STUFFED into this thing and I would tear it to shreds if I tried to zip it or sit or bend in any way.
HAHAHA--- seriously, I cannot believe I am actually sharing this picture, but this is huge for me! Look at the cheesy smile on my face! Oh it is absolutely horrible and it is NO WHERE CLOSE to zipping! And good Lord I don't show that much thigh in shorts much less a dress, BUT IT'S ON MY BODY!!
Ok, all this silliness aside. I do want to take a moment to compare a year ago to me today. I know I look better, I know I feel better, but when I was looking for the above pictures, I found this from just last summer... how did I not know how big I was. I actually thought I looked okay.
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| This is the only picture I have of me from last summer... and I was in a wedding. I think that says everything right there. I knew, just didn't KNOW yet. I'm blocking someone who is standing facing the camera, feet shoulder with apart and I'm facing the side! I was round!!! Look at my arm! There are so many things in the picture that make me shudder... |
So this is me today. 100 pounds lighter! And so much healthier and happier!
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| Not the best picture because this dress was actually flattering but without a full length mirror, its hard to get a decent pic! |
And still with so far to go, but I finally did it. This week I did what I had come to think would not ever be possible. I saw that 2 in the hundreds place on my scale, change to a 1. Seriously, I'm a completely different shape than I was in high school, but I now weigh what I did my senior year. Funny that I now carry my weight in my boobs and belly where before I carried it in my butt and thighs ( I defy gravity--- ha, no, sadly, I can't say that's true either)... But I can officially state that I have said goodbye to 100 pounds. I am so encouraged by peoples support. It is incredible. Gibson and I have some big changes coming up and I am going to keep moving forward and I confidently state that I will wear that dress in public within a year from today. I've shed 100 pounds- I have at least 50 to go. Honestly, anything from this point forward is vanity cause I'm having fun doing it! I like trying on clothes! I don't feel like shamoo in a swimsuit (and its a black and white polka dot SPANX suit so I would be justified feeling like an orca:)).
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Officially 6 months out :) Coming up with more questions than answers...
Well, I have been holding out on writing this post for the past 15 days because I so wanted to say that I reached my goal of being under 200 pounds. I am so freakin' close it is not even funny. Seriously for the past 2 weeks I have been at 200.4-201.5 no more, no less. I am going to pay strict attention to every drop of liquid and every morsel I put into my mouth over the next few weeks and hopefully get this train moving in the right direction again.
On the plus side, I'm finally crossing into the not plus size side! It is so liberating to be able to go into a regular store and have so many more options. Y'all, I went to Gap Outlet on Thursday and things were too big! And for all you tiny people who say that Gap and Loft run big and you can always size down there... good for you, I've never experienced that so keep that thought to yourself and let me have my moment of glory! I'm really starting to like what I see in the mirror. My legs look better than I think they ever have. My arms need alot of work as there is alot of extra skin and jiggle going on there, but they are smaller than they have been and I no longer feel like they have to be covered. I went out in sleeveless dresses and tanks a few times over the past couple weeks!
I just finished up my daily courses for my diagnostician certification and my probationary certificate is on my certification record! I'm so excited! I was offered a position in Denton ISD and I proudly accepted it. It is a little farther away than I would have liked. However, I had 5 interviews and my mom asked me, if geography wasn't an issue, which one would I want? Without hesitation, I said I would want Denton. It was one of those times where everything just felt right. I liked the people, I liked what they had to say, I like the support they give their diags. I will miss Keller Middle, but really feel like I am going to the right place at the right time for me. For now, Gibson and I will make the trek to Denton daily. I'm currently looking into daycare for him. I found one place I think will be good, but not knowing where I will be makes it hard to know where will be a good fit for us.
How do you all decide where to live and when to make a move? I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Irving. I hated it until we moved away when I was 16 and moving Gibson here just 3 years ago felt so right at the time. I had been teaching in Irving for 2 years commuting from Dallas and it that drive was killing me and I really thought I would be in Irving for a long time. Then that changed and I started to really consider what it is that I thought I liked about Irving and started realizing that many of the reasons I did were no longer valid. This isn't the Irving I grew up in. I can no longer go somewhere and usually run into someone I know. They have moved on. It was always a bigger city, but to me it still had that small town feel. I don't get that anymore. The schools were never great, but now that I'm no longer working here, I have less say in where Gibson would go to school and due to transfer rules and other teachers leaving the district, my options for putting him in a place where I know someone who could watch out for him for me are limited at best. We have tried a couple churches, but nothing makes me want to come back the next week. I need to try more consistently to find one that is a good fit for us, but I don't even know where to begin. I do not like large contemporary churches. I like traditional services which doesn't tend to be popular in my age range or others with small children. I need to get Gibson involved because I feel like he is missing out and I am to blame for that. I don't want my hang ups to hold him back. My parents own my home so I have essentially paid the mortgage, insurance and taxes on this home for the past three years, but at no profit for them. I'd like to keep my payment the same which means we will need to downsize if we do decide to move. And that's another thing... I really do love this house. I love the layout, the room sizes, the yard. It is perfect for us. I love the kitchen and how it lends itself to entertaining which I would love to do, but I don't because I do not have any friends or family who want to come to south Irving. How do you know if a town is right if you haven't ever really spent time there. I applied in Denton because I knew it was a smaller but growing community that has all the conveniences of being in the metroplex, but is just far enough away to be its own spot. Its about the same size as Sherman, but isn't Sherman. But it is closer to Sherman than where we are now. I have driven around twice since my interview, one Sunday afternoon while Gibson napped in the backseat while it was raining and once with my mom and Gibson just to get my bearings on where things were located and which neighborhoods we might want to check out (or stay away from). Then there is the question of timing. When do we take the plunge if we do? Should we commute back and forth for a couple months? Do we wait a year and see what happens? My concern with that is that we still do not fit in anywhere. We are essentially homeless because we are only in our home long enough to sleep and not in the place where I work long enough to establish relationships with other people. We are in limbo. I know these are decisions I have to make, but these are the things that are running through my head every night until 2 or 3 when my body finally just shuts down from exhaustion. There are so many things I want to find for us.
My goals for our little family of 2:
#1 Find a church home where he can have a great group of youth to grow up with like I had.
#2 I want to find good friends and have real relationships with other people. I want to do a supper club or have a girls night. I want to entertain in our home, have game night.
#3 I want Gibson to get involved in things and not be so involved with just me and Nana. Seriously, he's 4. He should have friends and he doesn't and that breaks my heart.
If anyone has any bright ideas on how I even begin to accomplish these goals for us... please let me know because this has become my internal struggle and I am stuck. I do not know where to begin or where to look for help.
On the plus side, I'm finally crossing into the not plus size side! It is so liberating to be able to go into a regular store and have so many more options. Y'all, I went to Gap Outlet on Thursday and things were too big! And for all you tiny people who say that Gap and Loft run big and you can always size down there... good for you, I've never experienced that so keep that thought to yourself and let me have my moment of glory! I'm really starting to like what I see in the mirror. My legs look better than I think they ever have. My arms need alot of work as there is alot of extra skin and jiggle going on there, but they are smaller than they have been and I no longer feel like they have to be covered. I went out in sleeveless dresses and tanks a few times over the past couple weeks!
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| Look at my arm!!! I have an arm and a shoulder... I'm starting to see definition! YAY! |
I just finished up my daily courses for my diagnostician certification and my probationary certificate is on my certification record! I'm so excited! I was offered a position in Denton ISD and I proudly accepted it. It is a little farther away than I would have liked. However, I had 5 interviews and my mom asked me, if geography wasn't an issue, which one would I want? Without hesitation, I said I would want Denton. It was one of those times where everything just felt right. I liked the people, I liked what they had to say, I like the support they give their diags. I will miss Keller Middle, but really feel like I am going to the right place at the right time for me. For now, Gibson and I will make the trek to Denton daily. I'm currently looking into daycare for him. I found one place I think will be good, but not knowing where I will be makes it hard to know where will be a good fit for us.
How do you all decide where to live and when to make a move? I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Irving. I hated it until we moved away when I was 16 and moving Gibson here just 3 years ago felt so right at the time. I had been teaching in Irving for 2 years commuting from Dallas and it that drive was killing me and I really thought I would be in Irving for a long time. Then that changed and I started to really consider what it is that I thought I liked about Irving and started realizing that many of the reasons I did were no longer valid. This isn't the Irving I grew up in. I can no longer go somewhere and usually run into someone I know. They have moved on. It was always a bigger city, but to me it still had that small town feel. I don't get that anymore. The schools were never great, but now that I'm no longer working here, I have less say in where Gibson would go to school and due to transfer rules and other teachers leaving the district, my options for putting him in a place where I know someone who could watch out for him for me are limited at best. We have tried a couple churches, but nothing makes me want to come back the next week. I need to try more consistently to find one that is a good fit for us, but I don't even know where to begin. I do not like large contemporary churches. I like traditional services which doesn't tend to be popular in my age range or others with small children. I need to get Gibson involved because I feel like he is missing out and I am to blame for that. I don't want my hang ups to hold him back. My parents own my home so I have essentially paid the mortgage, insurance and taxes on this home for the past three years, but at no profit for them. I'd like to keep my payment the same which means we will need to downsize if we do decide to move. And that's another thing... I really do love this house. I love the layout, the room sizes, the yard. It is perfect for us. I love the kitchen and how it lends itself to entertaining which I would love to do, but I don't because I do not have any friends or family who want to come to south Irving. How do you know if a town is right if you haven't ever really spent time there. I applied in Denton because I knew it was a smaller but growing community that has all the conveniences of being in the metroplex, but is just far enough away to be its own spot. Its about the same size as Sherman, but isn't Sherman. But it is closer to Sherman than where we are now. I have driven around twice since my interview, one Sunday afternoon while Gibson napped in the backseat while it was raining and once with my mom and Gibson just to get my bearings on where things were located and which neighborhoods we might want to check out (or stay away from). Then there is the question of timing. When do we take the plunge if we do? Should we commute back and forth for a couple months? Do we wait a year and see what happens? My concern with that is that we still do not fit in anywhere. We are essentially homeless because we are only in our home long enough to sleep and not in the place where I work long enough to establish relationships with other people. We are in limbo. I know these are decisions I have to make, but these are the things that are running through my head every night until 2 or 3 when my body finally just shuts down from exhaustion. There are so many things I want to find for us.
My goals for our little family of 2:
#1 Find a church home where he can have a great group of youth to grow up with like I had.
#2 I want to find good friends and have real relationships with other people. I want to do a supper club or have a girls night. I want to entertain in our home, have game night.
#3 I want Gibson to get involved in things and not be so involved with just me and Nana. Seriously, he's 4. He should have friends and he doesn't and that breaks my heart.
If anyone has any bright ideas on how I even begin to accomplish these goals for us... please let me know because this has become my internal struggle and I am stuck. I do not know where to begin or where to look for help.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
The not so fantastic days
So I never should have bragged in my last post about how great I've been feeling. Weird stuff started happening. First I got dehydrated which lead to some swelling but I cut back on salt, upped my water, back on track. No problem right? Wrong. My sinuses are all out of whack. Mostly tolerable. Then today I waited too long to eat and had the too familiar eyes bigger then stomach issue which I knew but still guessed with how much I put on my plate rather than measuring it, "forgot" that I ate a babybel cheese while the roast was reheating and added the extra little bit cause I will stop when I get full right? Wrong again. I sat down and stuffed my face. That plate was clean. The roast was delicious. And then the pain started. The pain that sears against your diaphragm and feels like you are going to explode. So I stood up to try to get my digestion going, praying it helped cause I don't wanna get sick and SMacKED in the head with one of those sinus headaches that feels like someone stabbed me between the eyes with a screw driver. I am thankful for this overcast day in which Gibson wants to be naked so we can't go anywhere and he is content to watch his robots in the other room. He opened the blinds and has been keeping me informed of neighbors activities. The mail ran. Someone is weedeating the neighbors yard. A dog pooped across the street. He can play the drums on his bottom. I am thrilled. One day I will learn. For now I will take a nap.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
5 months out!
So this week got away from me. It was super busy! I had meetings and an interview (my 5th) praying for an offer soon! In all that hype, I let this post be postponed although I am super excited to share it.... At 5 months post surgery, I am down a total of 90 pounds and 60 inches! That's 5 ft! I've lost a middle school student! (not me in middle school but you know- one of those average girls or the boys who haven't gotten their growth spurts yet). I kept watching them all on Fun Day as I sat there (in shorts- something I NEVER would have worn to school much less in public in the past) watching all the students run around and thinking bye bye weight! Don't come back! You are not welcome to return!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
4 months out!
4 months out and I've said goodbye to 56 pounds! I'm down 86 overall and I feel great!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Trips are hard.
Ok so it is my first road trip since surgery and for the most part I feel fantastic. But here's the thing.... I love Mexican food. I could eat it all day everyday and bit get tired of it. We are in San Antonio. And my eyes and so much bigger than my stomach. Not a bad problem to have, definitely keeps me on track. But I will not lie, the fat girl inside me is pouting big time right now cause if she had her way, is have polished off all our plates!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
3 months out!
Three months out and I hit the 50 pound mark! I'm down 80 overall! I'm at 215 and not looking back. I'm on a roll and so motivated to keep going right now! I'm halfway there!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Picture is worth a thousand words?
Well, folks, I finally got in front of a full length mirror with a camera in hand. It isn't the best lighting, the photo is grainy for some reason, but overall, the point is that I like what I see in the mirror. This was taken Sunday before church.
I am 2 months and 19 days post surgery, down to 219 pounds. I was 295 when I began this journey and 265 the day of surgery. That is a total of 76 pounds down! I have not been 219 pounds since my freshman year of college.
As for clothes, I am getting to that funky size where misses are too small and plus sizes are too big. It all depends on the brand, but overall, its frustrating.
I still have a long way to go, but I am feeling really good. The weather is so great this week and it is spring break!!! What seemed like such a huge goal of getting under 200 pounds again is now within reach and I hope to get there by Memorial Day. I would love to say Easter, but I know the further out from surgery I get the more the weight loss will slow down as my body heals and adjusts to my new stomach. So between Easter and Memorial Day I hope to lose 20 more. Before school begins in the fall I want to be down to 150 and I really think that is doable with a lot of restraint and dedication on my part. I have to do it. This is all on me and I love being able to say I did it rather than, I failed once again. Success is so much more fun! I got myself this way, I can get myself back!
I am 2 months and 19 days post surgery, down to 219 pounds. I was 295 when I began this journey and 265 the day of surgery. That is a total of 76 pounds down! I have not been 219 pounds since my freshman year of college.
As for clothes, I am getting to that funky size where misses are too small and plus sizes are too big. It all depends on the brand, but overall, its frustrating.
I still have a long way to go, but I am feeling really good. The weather is so great this week and it is spring break!!! What seemed like such a huge goal of getting under 200 pounds again is now within reach and I hope to get there by Memorial Day. I would love to say Easter, but I know the further out from surgery I get the more the weight loss will slow down as my body heals and adjusts to my new stomach. So between Easter and Memorial Day I hope to lose 20 more. Before school begins in the fall I want to be down to 150 and I really think that is doable with a lot of restraint and dedication on my part. I have to do it. This is all on me and I love being able to say I did it rather than, I failed once again. Success is so much more fun! I got myself this way, I can get myself back!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
You can still find me here!
I decided to give up social media for Lent. I spend entirely too much time checking people I knew 20 years agos pictures on Instagram, statuses on Facebook and reading random tweets. I am also taking a hiatus from my Feedly and Pinterest. Well, I've made a rule for myself on Pinterest. I can do recipes or projects already pinned, but no new pins. Oh I can waste hours on Pinterest. I will stay in touch through my blog and promise to post some pictures soon, especially now that I'm coming up on three months post-op! I will also post my weight and measurement stats! I just wanted to drop a quick line in case anyone is looking for me--- HERE I AM! I have all this new energy and as the weather gets nicer (maybe, hopefully... we just had an ice day in March in Texas so hell may have actually frozen over) I want to be outside with my son and not tethered to my phone or computer! The point was to spend more active time with him so I see this as the perfect way and time to form healthy habits for us!
Thanks again for everyone's support! I appreciate it more than I can ever express :)
Thanks again for everyone's support! I appreciate it more than I can ever express :)
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Has it really been a month??
Wow. So time is flying by and this past month has been a big one. I've met some pretty big personal goals. I'm continuing to lose weight and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. But let me back up to where I last left you.
First thing you need to know, in the education field, it has always been my goal to be a diagnostician. This is the person who conducts assessments and interprets them to determine special education eligibility and placement with the ARD committee. These tests fascinate me (I'm a dork, we know this, move on.) :) I earned my Master's last May and started looking into getting my certification. Well, turns out to go the traditional University route and not have to pay out of pocket (which isn't an option for me because I have never been a successful saver- working on this one), you basically have to go the degree route with the certification endorsement. So I would need to get a second Masters and add A LOT more loans. Ummm, no thank you. I did know of one other option, but I knew it was a one shot opportunity. They have many applicants and only select about 20-30 per year. I filled out all the paperwork last year, but my degree was not conferred in time to interview for last year's cohort. I called in December on the chance that my information and application fee could be rolled over and considered for this year's cohort and they said yes! A couple days later, they told me they were waiting on one piece of paperwork and they could set up an interview (I had been told that you get an email when they received everything and then a letter in the mail either saying you get an interview or a no so I was pleasantly surprised). On January 27th, I had my interview and was accepted into the program. Y'all I am going to be a diag. NEXT YEAR!!! Where I have no idea, but I am so excited! That being said I have so much work to do between now and then that I am trying not to get overwhelmed. In my current position, the proverbial mess has hit the fan. No one on my team has done anything wrong but we have just had some major kid issues with a few kids all at once after a relatively quiet year so I feel like I have not sat still or taken a deep breath in a month.
Health wise- I am doing great! I started going to the gym, so far only 2 times per week but I'm trying to get myself organized and in the habit to make it to 4 days per week because I have seen a difference in the small things I have done. I am walking on a treadmill at 4.5 mph! Anyone who knows me and these thunder thighs knows that is no small feat. I am the girl that at 3 mph cannot hold a conversation and looks like she is going to die. This past week, I did 4.5 mph at a 5% incline for 25 minutes + warm up and cool down. And y'all, walking works for my body. I've lost a total of over 35 inches since my surgery December 20th. 5 from my waist, 5 from my chest (THANK YOU JESUS!), and a good amount everywhere else. I even lost a half inch around my neck! Bye-bye double chin! I weigh now what I did during my first semester at A&M and just after I graduated from college. More than that is how things are fitting me. My clothes are too big for the most part. My bras are either too big or still too small which is frustrating cause if it were up to me I would just cut the dang things off. I really need to start adding in some weight training because honey things are starting to sag. I mean, I was a big girl (and still am, I'm realistic) so gravity has been taking its toll for a while. But things aren't as... dense as they were. Side note- a woman in training the other day was talking about one of her friends the other day who has started referring to her bra size as a 38 long. I feel her pain. My arms are getting smaller but they are jiggling more. Same with my stomach and thighs. So while with clothes on, without a doubt, I look better. Sans clothes, lets just say things are funky! I am sleeping better now and my thyroid seems to have adjusted a bit because I am not losing hair at the rate that I was. I will try to make an appointment with an endocrinologist over spring break to see what I need to do regarding that medication.
Perhaps the greatest part of this journey so far- outside of all the support and well-wishes I have received from friends and family has been feeling like myself again. I'm becoming comfortable in my own skin again which is HUGE for me. For those who knew me prior to moving to Waco in high school, I was pretty outgoing. I was bubbly, always smiling and generally happy. Moving was not a good experience for me and I built a wall. Over the years, it built up and up and up and for the past several years, I let very few people in. I also fell victim to social media in that I keep up with people on facebook or whatever is trending at the time but did not couple that with actual face time with real people. I did not realize until I felt like it was too late to change it how detrimental that was to me personally. I have those great friends, those wonderful people that I can call and talk to after not speaking for a year and we pick right back up where we left off, but there are some friendships that I really wish I had cultivated more and I only have myself and my baggage to blame for that. I am solely responsible because they tried to reach out to me and I was so uncomfortable with myself I didn't reach back. If I did this to you, I am sorry!! Saturday, I went to a training (make-up for the day I had my interview and missed PD). I sat with a great table. We got our stuff done and were able to joke around and have fun with it. I made jokes, I smiled, I connected with people again. WITHOUT FEAR! I walked away from that day feeling elated-- I talked to strangers without having a panic attack or feeling like I was going to throw up! First time I remember feeling comfortable in a situation like that in YEARS!
On another completely unbelievable note, we were at the farm on Sunday and I told Gibson I was going to get him and he started running. I ran after him and caught him! I ran! I caught my child! It was exhilarating! That was the main reason for me to go to this drastic measure to make a quick change and 4 months later, I can run and play with my little boy without falling down, without getting winded and without feeling like I'm going to die. HUGE!!!
So overall, I am doing well. My actual weight loss has slowed down and there are still things I need to work on (such as eating slower and not drinking while I eat). I need to track what I'm eating to make sure I am getting everything I need and still watching my sugar intake. I am a work in progress. Sometime I will get around to posting more pictures. It is hard to take them when you don't own a full length mirror! Plus, I want to get some clothes and appropriate undergarments so I can see what I actually look like!
Again, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive since I started sharing. It really does mean the world to me. And I am also thankful that those that don't agree with what I have done or the methods I have taken to get to where I am, have kept those thoughts to themselves! I'm in a positive place and feeling awesome!
First thing you need to know, in the education field, it has always been my goal to be a diagnostician. This is the person who conducts assessments and interprets them to determine special education eligibility and placement with the ARD committee. These tests fascinate me (I'm a dork, we know this, move on.) :) I earned my Master's last May and started looking into getting my certification. Well, turns out to go the traditional University route and not have to pay out of pocket (which isn't an option for me because I have never been a successful saver- working on this one), you basically have to go the degree route with the certification endorsement. So I would need to get a second Masters and add A LOT more loans. Ummm, no thank you. I did know of one other option, but I knew it was a one shot opportunity. They have many applicants and only select about 20-30 per year. I filled out all the paperwork last year, but my degree was not conferred in time to interview for last year's cohort. I called in December on the chance that my information and application fee could be rolled over and considered for this year's cohort and they said yes! A couple days later, they told me they were waiting on one piece of paperwork and they could set up an interview (I had been told that you get an email when they received everything and then a letter in the mail either saying you get an interview or a no so I was pleasantly surprised). On January 27th, I had my interview and was accepted into the program. Y'all I am going to be a diag. NEXT YEAR!!! Where I have no idea, but I am so excited! That being said I have so much work to do between now and then that I am trying not to get overwhelmed. In my current position, the proverbial mess has hit the fan. No one on my team has done anything wrong but we have just had some major kid issues with a few kids all at once after a relatively quiet year so I feel like I have not sat still or taken a deep breath in a month.
Health wise- I am doing great! I started going to the gym, so far only 2 times per week but I'm trying to get myself organized and in the habit to make it to 4 days per week because I have seen a difference in the small things I have done. I am walking on a treadmill at 4.5 mph! Anyone who knows me and these thunder thighs knows that is no small feat. I am the girl that at 3 mph cannot hold a conversation and looks like she is going to die. This past week, I did 4.5 mph at a 5% incline for 25 minutes + warm up and cool down. And y'all, walking works for my body. I've lost a total of over 35 inches since my surgery December 20th. 5 from my waist, 5 from my chest (THANK YOU JESUS!), and a good amount everywhere else. I even lost a half inch around my neck! Bye-bye double chin! I weigh now what I did during my first semester at A&M and just after I graduated from college. More than that is how things are fitting me. My clothes are too big for the most part. My bras are either too big or still too small which is frustrating cause if it were up to me I would just cut the dang things off. I really need to start adding in some weight training because honey things are starting to sag. I mean, I was a big girl (and still am, I'm realistic) so gravity has been taking its toll for a while. But things aren't as... dense as they were. Side note- a woman in training the other day was talking about one of her friends the other day who has started referring to her bra size as a 38 long. I feel her pain. My arms are getting smaller but they are jiggling more. Same with my stomach and thighs. So while with clothes on, without a doubt, I look better. Sans clothes, lets just say things are funky! I am sleeping better now and my thyroid seems to have adjusted a bit because I am not losing hair at the rate that I was. I will try to make an appointment with an endocrinologist over spring break to see what I need to do regarding that medication.
Perhaps the greatest part of this journey so far- outside of all the support and well-wishes I have received from friends and family has been feeling like myself again. I'm becoming comfortable in my own skin again which is HUGE for me. For those who knew me prior to moving to Waco in high school, I was pretty outgoing. I was bubbly, always smiling and generally happy. Moving was not a good experience for me and I built a wall. Over the years, it built up and up and up and for the past several years, I let very few people in. I also fell victim to social media in that I keep up with people on facebook or whatever is trending at the time but did not couple that with actual face time with real people. I did not realize until I felt like it was too late to change it how detrimental that was to me personally. I have those great friends, those wonderful people that I can call and talk to after not speaking for a year and we pick right back up where we left off, but there are some friendships that I really wish I had cultivated more and I only have myself and my baggage to blame for that. I am solely responsible because they tried to reach out to me and I was so uncomfortable with myself I didn't reach back. If I did this to you, I am sorry!! Saturday, I went to a training (make-up for the day I had my interview and missed PD). I sat with a great table. We got our stuff done and were able to joke around and have fun with it. I made jokes, I smiled, I connected with people again. WITHOUT FEAR! I walked away from that day feeling elated-- I talked to strangers without having a panic attack or feeling like I was going to throw up! First time I remember feeling comfortable in a situation like that in YEARS!
On another completely unbelievable note, we were at the farm on Sunday and I told Gibson I was going to get him and he started running. I ran after him and caught him! I ran! I caught my child! It was exhilarating! That was the main reason for me to go to this drastic measure to make a quick change and 4 months later, I can run and play with my little boy without falling down, without getting winded and without feeling like I'm going to die. HUGE!!!
So overall, I am doing well. My actual weight loss has slowed down and there are still things I need to work on (such as eating slower and not drinking while I eat). I need to track what I'm eating to make sure I am getting everything I need and still watching my sugar intake. I am a work in progress. Sometime I will get around to posting more pictures. It is hard to take them when you don't own a full length mirror! Plus, I want to get some clothes and appropriate undergarments so I can see what I actually look like!
Again, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive since I started sharing. It really does mean the world to me. And I am also thankful that those that don't agree with what I have done or the methods I have taken to get to where I am, have kept those thoughts to themselves! I'm in a positive place and feeling awesome!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Measurements...
Ok, so you know when pants that you haven't been able to wear in years finally fit and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world? Having them then be too big not even two weeks later is AMAZING! This is so much fun! The brand new jeans I got while at my parents over the break and were snug are getting a little baggy. So last night I decided to do my measurements just to see. We took them the day of surgery and I wanted to compare. My arms didn't see too much change, but everywhere else... wow! My boobs are shrinking!!!! This is so wonderful cause those suckers are heavy! Y'all- I lost 5 inches in my waist!!!! 5 inches!!!! No wonder I can zip things up now that I couldn't before. That is a huge number!! I lost over 2 inches in both thighs and calves too. Just under 19 inches overall. I know there is a long road ahead of me and it will be hard, but right now, it is too much fun!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Back to School, Part Deux!
I was much more prepared to go back to school this morning. I had snacks, I had protein, I had apple juice. I took my medicine. I didn't bother with the hair and makeup cause I was more determined to make it through the day without feeling like I was going to pass out rather than how I looked. I'm sure that will change (who am I kidding, I like sleep too much) Today was one of those really great days where you feel great and people notice. The people in the office kept saying how great I looked. Our secretary looked at me and said, "Amber, your face is so pretty!" She was so genuine and so sincere. I realized that these people only know fat me. They never knew this version or even smaller versions of me. I recognize myself, but in looking through pictures of the past year or so, I'm not sure I would recognize me. If I do now, I won't in a couple months! I had two people tell me I needed to get smaller pants.... the ones I was wearing were some that were "new" again last week. I looked like I was wearing a sagging diaper all day. Not so cute. Looking forward to getting a new wardrobe and continuing down this path!
This was mid-August at our family reunion. I was at my heaviest, and completely swollen. Yet I didn't step on a scale for over a month after this. I was scared cause I knew it was bad. You can't even seen my eyes. 
I am happy to report that I have lost a total of 56 pounds since Oct. 2nd.
I have lost 26 pounds since my surgery 24 days ago!
Definitely on the way to a healthier, happier me!
Back to School
The morning started off great. I put on pants I have not worn in at least 5 years. I put on make-up and I somewhat did my hair (I was up at 5:30 for the first time in over 2 weeks... something was gonna give). I got to school and those who knew were blown away. They couldn't believe how much my face had changed or how much smaller I was. I was 20 pounds lighter than when they saw me the last time. My face and chest are where it is the most noticeable. It felt so great to have people notice! Even people who didn't know said I looked great and said my break must have been wonderful. As good as I felt at the beginning of the day. The day wore me out! By Wednesday, I was sick. Mom came down to help with Gibbs and I was so weak I couldn't function and missed Thursday too. The doctor told me to forget what they said about grazing and eat when I could so that I could get my strength back. The weekend finally allowed me to get fully rested and ready to try again!
For the most part, he was a pretty good kiddo this week. Kept wanting to see my boo boos and kiss me to make me feel better!
This was pretty much my position for last week.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Or not...
So yesterday I started eating soft food ans might have been a little ambitious. I had half a scrambled egg in the morning. It just didn't taste as good as I had hoped it would and after a couple bites, I was done. My stomach should be able to hold a half cup, but I did what they told me and stopped when I wasn't hungry rather that when I felt full. I had a little of a casserole for lunch (it was on my list!) And that's when it started to hurt. It's like a super intense heartburn right in the middle of your chest every time you swallow. Still felt pretty good though. Last night I had half a meatball, some mashed potatoes and a couple cooked carrots. Even the mashed potatoes hurt. I fell asleep in Gibbs room while putting him to bed and stayed there all night. This morning I felt kinda blah. I made my protein drink and went to the grocery store. When I got back, I started feeling nausea. I never actually threw up but not for lack of trying. I finally called the doc who told me that sometimes people take longer to heal and to go back to liquid until Monday. I took some anti-nausea medicine and started to feel better. If it is going to hurt that way, I will stick with liquids forever. You can find some tasty liquids! It will be worth it when I can look in the mirror and not be disgusted. I did try on old pants today and while the jeans were all too small, I now have 6 "new" pairs of dress pants! I can't wait to see how or if people react when we go back on Monday!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Liquid diet done!
I have felt pretty good the past couple weeks considering I haven't swallowed anything that hasn't been through a strainer. That being said, I am so ready to chew! To actually bite into something would be wonderful. Tomorrow is the day I move from liquids to soft foods. Although I look forward to eating again, I'm nervous about consuming more calories again. I will make good choices and stick with the protein drinks, but there is a huge part of me that is terrified I will gain it all back and I will have done all of this for nothing. I'm am trying my best to stay positive and not self sabotage but old habits die hard. So far, I've been able to overcome the negativity, self doubt and I just pray that I will continue to fight. I found this pic of me in my moms phone and it is my new motivation... I cannot believe I didn't know how big I was. How do you not see this?
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year!
Outside of my closest friends and family, no one knows that I made a huge decision to regain control of my life at the end of 2013. For those that know me, I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I was at my heaviest when I got pregnant with Gibson. The weight I gained during pregnancy was carefully monitored. After Gibson was born and Danny left, I lost all the weight I had gained and then some. As I started to deal with the fact that my marriage was not salvageable and started being a full time working single mom to a newborn complete with an hour commute to and from work, the pounds started to come back. Over the next three years, I consistently gained weight. This past April, I really started having gastrointestinal issues, my body started swelling and nothing I did, no matter how much I tried to hydrate, nothing seemed to help. I quit smoking, took my thyroid medicine and an assortment of vitamins and would sometimes go days without being able to hold anything down. And yet, there was not anything really wrong with me. I ballooned in my weight and by the end of the summer, I was completely miserable. I had trouble moving. I was slow. I felt like I was in slow motion all the time. Gibson started t-ball this fall and at one of his practices, he ran from me. I physically could not run after him. My knees started to give with every step I took. I was terrified. I knew something had to change and fast.
This was when I started to seriously consider weight loss surgery. I was one of those people who thought it was a cop out. But the more research I did and people I talked to, I realized that it might be tool I was looking for. I made an appointment with Dr. Kim because I knew several people had used him. When I weighed in at his office, I was shocked. I weighed 295 pounds. I was 5 pounds away from 300 with this 5'3" frame. I was officially fat. My BMI was over 50. That is a scary fact. I saw another doctor three days later who said that my best chance of seeing my son enter kindergarten was to lose about 150 pounds. I started really watching what I ate. Because of insurance issues, I ended up going with a different surgeon. Dr. Marsden was amazing! So nice and helpful! I had an EGD the week of Thanksgiving that showed I had a hiatal hernia and a sleep study proved I had sleep apnea. I was not breathing for an avg of 12 seconds several times a night. On December 20, I had surgery to repair my hiatal hernia and to get a gastric sleeve. When I weighed in for surgery that morning, I weighed 265. I had lost 30 pounds on my own. Now 12 days post-op, I weigh 248. This is the first time in 6 years I have been under 250. Since October I have gone from a size 22 to a 16 pants. I feel great! I have so far to go, but I am so glad I made this decision. I want to live life not simply survive it. This surgery is not for everyone, but I feel like it was my second chance to live my life right. Gibson deserves the best mom and I am on my way to being the best I can be!
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| October 6, 2013 |
This was when I started to seriously consider weight loss surgery. I was one of those people who thought it was a cop out. But the more research I did and people I talked to, I realized that it might be tool I was looking for. I made an appointment with Dr. Kim because I knew several people had used him. When I weighed in at his office, I was shocked. I weighed 295 pounds. I was 5 pounds away from 300 with this 5'3" frame. I was officially fat. My BMI was over 50. That is a scary fact. I saw another doctor three days later who said that my best chance of seeing my son enter kindergarten was to lose about 150 pounds. I started really watching what I ate. Because of insurance issues, I ended up going with a different surgeon. Dr. Marsden was amazing! So nice and helpful! I had an EGD the week of Thanksgiving that showed I had a hiatal hernia and a sleep study proved I had sleep apnea. I was not breathing for an avg of 12 seconds several times a night. On December 20, I had surgery to repair my hiatal hernia and to get a gastric sleeve. When I weighed in for surgery that morning, I weighed 265. I had lost 30 pounds on my own. Now 12 days post-op, I weigh 248. This is the first time in 6 years I have been under 250. Since October I have gone from a size 22 to a 16 pants. I feel great! I have so far to go, but I am so glad I made this decision. I want to live life not simply survive it. This surgery is not for everyone, but I feel like it was my second chance to live my life right. Gibson deserves the best mom and I am on my way to being the best I can be!
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| December 30, 2013 |
I plan to post weekly updates on my weight loss journey. I am so amazed at the changes I have already seen and cannot wait to see more in the future!
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